How to be a Beis-ic Betch

Summer is over which means my summer traveling is over. I feel like I owe this brand a review since I've been talking about it non-stop. Over the summer, I was lucky enough to travel pretty much all summer. The FBI agent watching me through my camera on my cellphone knew this and thus sent me numerous ads about travel gear. Naturally, I came across Shay Mitchell's new travel line since she was coming out with her summer line--and the stars all aligned. I was searching for a plain black weekender type of bag and she had one! Initially, I was hesitant in buying this bag because it was a little pricey for me, luckily I bought it when I did since the price is steadily increasing as the brand is gaining more popularity,                                                                                             I did decide on buying the Dopp Kitt and the Cosmetic case as I was also looking for a new toiletry bag and makeup bag. Something about the aesthetic drew me to this brand. For one, the products are plain but also still stylish and they are functional. Having matching luggage makes someone look a little more put together. When I see someone at the airport who has all matching everything, it makes me a little jealous of them because they look so put together. Unlike me, in recent years who just uses whatever bag suits me at the moment. One thing that annoyed me about the bag was that it came with a missing foot (the little thing on the bottom) so I had to email them. Beis customer service offered to send me a replacement, but I opted out and they sent me a partial refund since I wanted to use the bag ASAP on my weekend trip to Denver. 

This is the youtube video I watched that sold me on the bag. 

The Weekender. I opted for black over the nude colors because I am a mess, therefore I make a mess, constantly. I read reviews online about how big the weekender is and blah, blah, blah. Yes, it is big. The thing is bulky and huge. 9/10 times, you will have to use this as your carry on while flying--and let me tell you something... don't. I brought my weekender to London with me this summer. I flew from Tulsa to Dallas to Little Rock (to meet with my group) then from Little Rock to Dallas to London and then dragged my luggage and weekender from Heathrow to the train station to Paddington station, to the tube to get to Baker Street, down the block, through Regents Park to the university--and let me tell you something, not fun. 

While the bag is functional and cute and roomy--the bag is a bitch to carry. The bag can fit so much stuff, but when packing, I needed to be wary because the bag gets heavy quickly. The straps are uncomfortable and left bruises on my shoulders when I had to carry it by hand through the airport connections. My only saving grace was the trolley sleeve so that when I was walking in pure sweat through the streets of London I could rest the bag on my case. Aside from the trolley sleeve, the shoe compartment on the bottom is nice, too. It's saved me a couple of pounds by placing my shoes in there rather than my case since it weighed 48 pounds when I checked it in at the counter. The only thing that annoyed me about the shoe compartment was that if the compartment wasn't full, the bag is going to sink in, which makes it look frumpy. I should have kept the cardboard that came with it so that it would also sit-up. 

When I came back from London (flying from LR to Dallas since my ticket was from London to LR since I went with school, and then flying back home) I gate checked my weekender so I didn't have to worry about carrying it through DFW when I had to run to my connection. From now on, I think I will only use the weekender as an actual weekend bag when staying somewhere in town, going to a friend's or just a weekend trip. Never will this bag of mine see another airport again. 

But really truly, I love the bag. The bag fits my aesthetic and it is functional when I use it the right way. I think it is just trial and error to see if it works for you. I think these are just my complaints about when I took the bag abroad, other than that, it's an awesome bag. 

The Cosmetic Case. The cosmetic case is a game-changer. I've been looking for a makeup bag that has a handle and that can also fit my makeup brushed. It is an added plus that a mirror is included. What I love about it is the magnetic brush holder. It can easily pop in and out, so there is no constant flipping to get into your makeup bag.  I also love the full-size mirror that the bag comes with so when I'm traveling I don't have to use a little compact mirror or rely on the bad bathroom lighting. I think the idea and execution of this makeup bag are great--I've gone through so many makeup bags because I am so particular. AND it fits so much! 

The only thing I didn't like was that it loses its shape when it is squished in your luggage or bag. I put the case in my weekender while in the airport and the case squished and left creases, but maybe that's because it wasn't filled all the way and it was rather empty. 

The Dopp Kit. The days of using plastic bags as a toiletry bag are over!  I never knew there was an actual term for this bag--it's called a Dopp kit. This bag also has a compartment underneath the bag which comes in handy. I think I just have too many skincare products so it doesn't quite fit everything for me. I do like the concept of the bag, it's similar to the weekender with the wireframe so it opens up all the way. 

The Backpack. I haven't used the backpack yet, but I bought it anyway because I wanted my things to match. I wanted to find an alternative to the weekender for the airport and the backpack also comes with a trolley sleeve. A big plus for me was that the backpack can be used as a personal item and not a carry-on like the weekender. Now I can use my hand-luggage and my backpack together.                                                                                                                                             The backpack looks rather simple. It doesn't have all the crazy zippers and compartments that the backpacks I usually use, which is nice. It has a front pouch, a main pouch and a laptop sleeve with padding. I'm going through this thing where I am only into boring and simplistic things, as I have been told. So while I can't say what I love and hate while using the bag, I am excited to use the bag in the future whether it is for traveling or for school. 

So, that's it. That is my review of my Beis products. I am lucky enough to have bought them pretty early on when they were affordable (to my standards). Every time I go back and check the website, the prices are creepily going up. I think the prices have gone up at least by $20 from the prices that I bought my bags. In general, I think it takes a lot to invest in things like this. I think it's considered a luxury item to have and I question why I am spending my money on these products. But I thought about it and I am spending my money on where I am spending my time. I'm using the items regularly (as of now) so when you break down the cost, it's worth the cost. 

In conclusion, I recommend Beis for people who are looking to invest in new luggage. I think that Shay Mitchell has put a lot of effort into the functionality of these products and they have paid off. 

On a side note: Shay Mitchell liked my Instagram posts when I posted about using the weekender, which is exciting to me, lol. Shay Mitchell, if you're reading this, sponsor me ;-)

Is "Entry-Level" Even Entry-Level Anymore?

Job Search Depression... it's real. I didn't believe it, but it is. 3 weeks on the job hunt and I've come up with nothing (except an offer for Disney English that I declined due to me not wanting to move across the world at the moment).

A delusional me has applied to jobs in NYC, Los Angeles, San Francisco, and Dallas--and have yet to receive a word from any type of job that I would actually want. I have become so desperate that I even applied for a live-in nanny position on the Upper East Side, which in retrospect, is highly-unlikely. 

I have done all the things that society has told me to do thus far. Graduate high school, get into college, go to college, get some sort of internship, and graduate college. A person cannot help but think they're not good enough in comparison to the other millions of applicants fighting for the same job you are fighting for. I've come to the conclusion that entry-level positions are no longer entry-level positions. This is obvious of course. All the jobs that I want to apply or have applied for either require or prefer a master's degree. Welp, I'm only here with my puny bachelor's degree. 

So, I've done the unthinkable... I've applied to graduate school. The last thing I think I would do considering I declined my parent's idea of me going to law school. I just submitted my application and my non-refundable application fee about five minutes ago and I've just submitted my transcript. I feel odd writing about these things because I write them into existence and I am terrified of what it will do.

A random statistic I read once said that your resume is pulled out once for every 30 job applications. That’s a 1 in 30 chance. The future sounds pretty fucking bleak if that’s the case. 

So, I applied to 41 jobs on Indeed.com—the most random jobs. Some jobs were jobs that I wanted like editorial assistant positions in NYC and SanFran and the others were cold calling “entry-level” jobs. I can’t even tell you how many more jobs I actually applied to when going through a company website. Let’s just round up the number to 60 to make things easier. 

Out of said 60 jobs, I got calls for an interview from 5 companies. Two teaching abroad jobs in China and Korea, a random sales company in Massachusetts, a special education aide in San Francisco and a writing specialist for a local community college. I did a video interview with one of the teaching abroad jobs, but I don’t think that teaching abroad is right for me. I don’t think I’m brave enough to move to a foreign country and commit for a year. The idea of it sounds lovely—the travel and life experiences it can give you, but when I was actually offered it, the actuality of it was daunting in which I declined. The second job I had an interview with was the community college as a writing specialist. 

My limitations I have faced in the job search so far have led me to question my choice in my undergraduate degree. Who the heck majors in English? While in my undergrad I was posed with all of the questions “what can you do with an English degree?” “Do you want to teach” Blah. Blah. Blah. The truth is, one can do plenty of things with a degree in English, but at the same time, be so limited. Job search depression is real. It is a constant slap in the face of rejection, which hurts. You can’t get a job without experience, you can’t get experience without a job—in other words, you can’t win. 

But don’t pity me! I still have hope, a small silver lining that is. Maybe I have to go back to school to be more marketable with a master's degree. Although, I’m not sure how much more marketable I’ll be with a master's in the program I applied for. Maybe I’ll write a book with the many ideas that skid across my brain and turn myself into a novelist. Or maybe and the most likely of these options, maybe I will become a full-time stay at home daughter. 

I Want to be a Londoner--my summer study abroad trip

If you follow me on Instagram, you know that I went to London this past summer since I posted about it almost every waking hour, I apologize for that. I also mentioned in a post in February that I was going, but never followed up on it. I feel like I owe my trip a worthy blog post as I posted about it non-stop and received numerous questions regarding my trip. As basic as this sounds, participating in a study abroad is life-changing as is traveling abroad in general. I now fully understand why all of the sorority girls I rolled my eyes at who claimed this experience as life-changing feel. I was lucky enough to have this study abroad as my last college credit to graduate and even luckier that the program was called "Literary London" which was right up my alley as English was my major.

The program being called Literary London focused on the literature that was written in London and surrounding areas. The study abroad program was short, but we luckily got to have two excursion days to Stratford-upon-Avon (Shakespeare's birthplace) and to Canterbury, which were probably the most exciting places to visit as Shakespeare and Chaucer are so well-known. For me, this trip was like a course wrap up in my undergraduate career. All of the things that I have been reading about for the past four years, I got to see and witness the environment in which it was written and inspired by.

To answer some questions I was asked... The small group of us stayed at Regent's University London which is located right in Regent's Park across from Queen Mary's Rose Garden. Imagine the smell of roses every single time you arrived and left school. While we were students at the university, we were not locked up in a small classroom all day the way that I have heard other programs work. This trip was more of an independent study. We met up in the morning and then took the tube to wherever our destination was that day. We were assigned readings and then went to corresponding places and museums to see artifacts.

London is so rich in history and if you don't know your British history, you can literally walk past in on the streets never knowing. I visited London through a literary lens. As fun as it was to see the iconic things in London like the London Eye, Big Ben, Tower Bridge--it's even better when you've read the literature that was written and inspired by the city--at least for the literary nerds that is me, anyways.

It's hard to choose what my favorite thing I saw or did in London was, but if I had to pick only three, I guess I would say... Tower Hill, Chaucer's tomb, and the Canterbury Cathedral.

The Tower of London. To think, Anne Boleyn walked the very same paths that I walked here and climbed the very same towers. 

Tower Bridge from Tower Hill. 

Tower of London in comparison to the new modern buildings. I love the temporality in this picture. which one doesn't belong?

Chaucer's tomb. The first poet buried in Poet's Corner. Coming here is like an Homage since I've spent too many semesters reading Chaucer and writing about the Canterbury Tales endlessly.

The Canterbury Cathedral--where so many pilgrimages were made in which I feel like I made one myself 

I suppose I could very well go into the details of every single day I was there since I was required to keep a travel journal. Instead of posting a day-by-day entry, I will post the essay that I had to write at the end of my program. I feel like the essay is much more insightful than if I go into details of every day of my trip. So if anyone cares, below is a textbox with my reflection paper that is more self-actualizing and pretentious than I imagined.

I have already experienced my moment of realization of exactly how big this world is and my impending insignificance to it. I did not anticipate crossing the pond and exploring London to have such a huge impact on me, but it did, and I am glad because it gave me a new sense of self. I’ve explored big cities before; I grew up in Fort Worth and I’ve traveled to the big American tourist cities. These cities, however, never gave me a new sense of wonder and realizations about myself. They simply felt like another place. I never understood how people could fall in love with cities and talk about them endlessly until I came to London. I now fully understand why London is so literary. There is so much to be inspired by. Being in London gave me a new sense of freedom and independence that I did not know that I could ever need or feel.

 One of my favorite days was the day we spent in Hampstead Heath. The day felt like a proper London day with the weather being gloomy and by us exploring a cemetery. I can understand why a number of writers lived in Hampstead. I love the area. While Hampstead is still in London, being there did not feel the same as being in the City of London. Maybe it was the change of weather or maybe it was the trees and I felt like it was more peaceful in comparison to the hustle and bustle in the city. I loved being in Hampstead and being in the place where Keats wrote “Ode to a Nightingale” which is my favorite ode by him. Being and seeing the environment of where literature is written provides such a different impact to the context when reading it in comparison to sitting in a classroom where London feels so far away. To me, I almost feel a part of the literature or feel as if I can understand it more.

 I also loved being in Highgate Cemetery. Normally, I find cemeteries to be creepy and haunted, but this cemetery did not feel this way. Highgate Cemetery felt so untouched and peaceful instead of the spooky feeling that I was anticipating. I’m not sure what it is with seeing literary figure’s graves, but they feel almost like a pilgrimage. I love “Goblin Market” by Christina Rossetti in how it seems like a children’s story, when it is in fact not. I love the complexity in the symbolism and the interpretations that come along with it. To me, when I find these artist’s graves, it feels like a homage to them. I felt this way with not only Rossetti’s tomb, but Chaucer and Shakespeare’s as well. The Hampstead day was not only one of my favorites because of the Keats House and Highgate Cemetery, but it was also the day I got lost with a dead phone in which I found my new sense of independence and freedom all while feeling lost. After we ended collectively as a group, I headed toward Notting Hill.

In order to get there, I needed to: take the Northern line southbound, take 4 stops to Euston, switch platforms on the same line to King’s Cross, transfer to the Circle line train westbound to get to Westbourne Park. Embarrassingly enough, I found myself lost and walking in circles at Euston’s tube stop as I was searching for the correct platform. I was at the point where I was getting on the wrong tube and actually going back and forth between Camden Town and Euston. Even though I never felt so lost in my life—at least location-wise, I surprised myself by not having an ounce of fear in me. This feeling of being lost and figuring out where I needed to go without anyone’s help was actually endearing more than it was terrifying. I almost gave up and headed back toward the Baker Street tube stop, where things were familiar. Instead, this thought of, “Oh, you can figure out where to go by yourself in a large city” went through my head and gave me an empowering feeling of being alone. Knowing that my phone was going to die, I transcribed everything that my Maps was telling me to go and drew a quick sketch of the area of where I was going in my notebook.

 Luckily, I found my way to Notting Hill all in one piece. I explored Portobello Road and looked at all the street markets, found the travel book shop and the blue door from the movie Notting Hill all before my phone died! By the time I made it to the Notting Hill Gate tube station to Kensington, my phone was dead, but if anything, it made the journey all the more interesting having to figure things out as I go. I think I enjoyed exploring without any technology. I feel like it allowed me to take in more of London, instead of capturing and remembering everything through my phone’s camera. Without relying on technology for directions or as a camera, navigating my way through the streets of London felt more satisfying. As much as I love seeing London with the group, I love seeing and experiencing London by myself. When I am with the group, I feel like such a tourist depending on Dr. Taylor and Dr. Sharpe for directions. When I am actually by myself, I feel like I am exploring London as I have to figure out everything by myself.

 This class, Literary London, is my last class before graduating. By this being my last class, it feels like my undergraduate studies have come full circle. I have read all of this literature in the classrooms of Witherspoon at Arkansas Tech, but never in my dreams did I ever think I would actually get to see London with my very own eyes. London just felt like such a faraway place. Now having been to London, I feel like I can understand the literature written there even more by having seen and experiencing the city. Being back home has been strange for me. Even though I was only in London for a short time, I feel like I have gotten too used to the hustle and bustle of the city. I miss the noises of the city and the crowds of people. I don’t think I will ever be the same again. I have had many life experiences that I would have thought would change me or my outlook on life, but London truly did change me in a good way. I have gained this new sense of freedom and independence that I never knew could exist and that I didn’t know I could need. I feel as if I left a piece of my mortal soul in London and I must go back to retrieve it if I am ever to be whole again.

I think I wrote more than I anticipated, but oh well. This trip was amazing, so I owe it some justice.

Navigating Through Post-Grad Life...

I've been MIA since... all of my senior year of college actually, but that's okay! My absence is for a good cause.

I am happy to announce that after all of the pain, suffering, and crying... it has been paid off...at least in the form of credentials. I am happy to say that as of August 10th, 2019, I am officially a college graduate with a degree in English Literature. While I didn't go to my actual graduation to walk (I didn't need to walk to feel the sense of validation), I did finally get my diploma mailed to me.

While these credentials are supposed to open the doors to endless possibilities, I can't help but feel as if my life is in a freefall into the abyss. Instead of doors being opened, I feel as if they are all being slammed in my face.

Fear not! While these doors are being slammed in my face, I will try to consistently post about navigating life after college on this blog.

 Disclaimer: This blog was created when I was 16 years old. I feel as if we should discard and consider everything before this post obsolete in regard to my knowledge and writing skills. I also tried to revamp the look of this pitiful blog, so through all of my coding and rearranging, pictures have been lost--I'm not sure if it helps this blog or not. The latter, most likely. I must keep this blog current! If I am ever to get a job in the field I want, I must! I must write and expose myself to the millions on the internet and the bots who actually come across my tiny spot on the internet.

So, I will now set this blog as public for the masses to read my thoughts instead of keeping this blog private for only a select few friends to read. Here we go...
-

My attempt as a Youtuber

Here is my sad attempt at being a Youtuber and vlogging in which I fail at. I would much rather be behind the camera than in front of the camera--or in this case writing behind my laptop screen.

This trip was last minute and on a whim. Ten hours in a car. 5,000 feet about my normal elevation and then another 5,000 once up in the Rockies.

On a more important note, I will be in London in a mere matter of days! This is my last class before I graduate in August (in which I will not be in attendance for graduation). Since my professors bought the airline tickets, they bought tickets that depart from Little Rock. As I don't live in Little Rock, I will have to fly from Tulsa to DFW to Little Rock a day early. So I turned into an adult for a second to book my hotel room and check my flights (luckily, I can fly standby thanks to my dad). In a few short days, I will go and win back Prince Harry!

Cheerio!

The Most Annoying Type of Bloggers..

The most annoying type of bloggers, I feel like that is a misleading title. I suppose I should call it "The most annoying thing a blogger can do."

I write on the internet to express my feelings, in ways, it's my online diary that I allow people to read--whether people may read or not. (However, after skimming through old posts, this blog seems to be a chronicle of my complaints about college.) In no way is this small space on the internet an ode to myself where I list my achievements on an endless list like others do. I write my truth and understandings of how the world works and people may agree or disagree, or even learn from them. This blog chronicles my fortunes and misgivings. 

This is truly just a rant, so feel free to exit anytime. People can do whatever they want, but these are just the things that annoy me, lol. 

1. I think there are a handful of bloggers who know that to be marketable in the blogging world is to be relatable. I feel like that is how Youtubers gain millions of subscribers and that is by being relatable. These handfuls of bloggers that I come across try so hard to be relatable in order to gain success. I feel like this works, obviously. People read blogs because they are interested in what a blogger is doing or because they are relatable. But it also doesn't work as it can come across as being pretentious when every single post comes across as trying to be relatable. It's almost like a big neon light flashing "Look at me! I'm relatable!" Perhaps this is just me that feels this way. Maybe people are into this, maybe not. I mean, of course, experiences should be shared in order to start a conversation. However, there is a certain point where I think enough is enough, but this is just my thoughts about it.

 2. Bloggers who pass off their opinions as the god-given truth. How ironic is this post? People post their do's and don't as rules to follow in life. I think these can be helpful tools, but not when they are spout out as orders.

Maybe I'm crazy and I just think about these things. 

A Londoner for one month only--coming this summer!

Hi, fiends! Nope, that’s not a typo, I’m addressing you all as fiends in this post. (Omg the show Making Fiends was so amusing to me in the 5th grade.) Warning, this post is about me needing out over literature, so if you don’t care, feel free to stop reading.

Anyways! As my friends know me, I am always talking about the two men in my life… yes, two! That being Chaucer and Shakespeare. For some reason, a lot of my coursework has been about these two fine fellas and their works in which I have grown a great admiration in Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales and Middle English literature in general and Shakespeare’s plays and sonnets. Anyways, again, I’m always annoying and I make references to them in normal conversations that only my English major friends will understand, everyone else is mildly annoyed.

As I said sometime before, I’m going to England this summer for a study abroad in which I will be studying English Literature (English lit and American lit, two different things, my friends) and it focuses on going to the places that great pieces were written. NERDING OUT HERE since I get to go to Charles Dickens Museum, Keats House (ahh!), Sherlock Holmes Museum (Arthur Conan Doyle, ahh!!!!), Samuel Johnson’s House (even bigger AHHHH!), the globe theatre (ahhh) and there’s so much more, I can’t even name them all.

Those places are exclusive to London and surrounded areas. But even better news, I get to go to Canterbury for a day and to the medieval village where Shakespeare was born, Stratford-upon-Avon—in case you didn’t know.

Literary nerds rejoice for me because if I can get over the fact I can’t to see where actual great, wonderful literature was created, fuck me! I mean aside from that, I am going to be able to see a lot of culturally cool things and landmarks and places. And as some of you may know, I watch too much Brit television shows just to listen to their accents—for linguistic regional purposes.

I’m excited, I don’t mean to brag but it’s fun and awesome since I get to end my college education on this. And I promise to come home to America with a bad, fake accent if I’m not bribing my ex, Prince Harry, home. If you don’t hear from me, it’s because I’m snogging some (hopefully rich and a duke) British man!

2019... senior year.. ch-ch-changes

Wow! It's been a minute! I've been so busy due to the fact that I am a terrible blogger, also because it is my senior year of college, so who can blame me? Also, no one is even reading this anyway, so the only person who minds is me.

First... Let's see.. last I wrote, it was September and I just got home from a wedding. Since then, I've been busy away reading and writing trying to make the best out of my senior year of college.

Second, exciting news! I am going to London this summer! I have to finish the spring semester, take two summer classes, and then the study abroad, and then I am done! Done, done, and done with my undergraduate career! I'm going to nerd out over literary places and fangirl over movies that took place in London and of course, attempt and fail to win over the now married Prince Harry.

Life has its highs and lows, and I've experienced many in the time between where I haven't been writing and even while I have been writing, but life gets busy and I just honestly forget to write, but here is always hoping for change!

Life Lately..

So, I went home for the first time ever in college for a weekend. I normally ever go home on holidays, never on a random weekend. However, my cousin was getting married last weekend.  I hopped on a plane to DFW and then to Tulsa, all while being sick.

It was a little nerve racking since it was my first time flying alone and flying standby (thanks, dad!)

BUT, here are some pictures of this weekend.. I got to see my cousins whom I have not seen since I moved to tulsa!

When you don't know the flash is on... 

My brother and I 

Not really sure what the decor or theme of the wedding was, but the venue was nice

My cousin's bride, Anna

13 Reasons Why: An analysis that I wrote for a class

For the sake of a blog post, I thought I would post a paper that I wrote of my analysis of 13 Reasons Why for a summer class I took for school. The class was called "Health and Trauma in the Media" which focused on how mental health or rather taboo but important issues are relayed in the media. How television shows can address these issues and what we as an audience can learn from it. So here it is... by the way, it's like 17 pages long and ridden with punctuation and grammatical errors as I wrote this in a haste... the night before it was due... but for anyone interested.

The Netflix series titled 13 Reasons Why based on the novel of the same name by Jay Asher has been heavily scrutinized and praised for raising awareness of multiple issues that society is not necessarily comfortable addressing. Netflix has produced two series and a third series has just been announced in early June. I will be focusing mostly on the second season of this series. I feel that the first season tells more of the story and subtly raises awareness over certain issues, and the second season explicitly addresses the issues. Each episode tackles so many issues within society, but I will be focusing on one issue through each entry, so some episodes may overlap, but each entry will be focusing on a different aspect of the show.

1.     

The first episode in discussion season one, episode eleven titled, “Tape 6, Side A.” The overall synopsis of the episode is Clay listening to his own tape and figuring out why he is a “reason why” for Hannah’s suicide. The episode revisits the night of Jessica’s party which was also the night that Bryce raped her. However, even though this episode focuses on Clay’s tape, Jessica’s story in this specific episode is important. The audience can see that Jessica is pulling away from Justin and heading toward a downward spiral.

            This episode addresses the truth about Jessica’s rape. I think this episode subtly addresses the mental health of victims of sexual assault when they cannot come to terms with what has happened to them. Justin finally tells her Bryce raped her. Although, I feel like Jessica already sensed this. Like I said above, Jessica is starting to pull away from Justin in the previous episodes. Their relationship is obviously strained by the truth that Justin is withholding from Jessica.

Some people may think these rape scenes are unnecessary, but I think people forget that these things happen in real life and they need to be talked about. Jacobsen (2017) believes that “prolonged rape scenes are frankly unnecessarily detailed and potentially traumatizing for those with a history of sexual assault” (p. 8). While what Jacobsen says may be true, but these rape scenes show how heartbreaking it is. A filtered television screen is why talking about rape is so uncomfortable.

The truth of not knowing heavily affects Jessica throughout the episodes prior to episode eleven. Even in an earlier episode, Zach points out to Justin that “she looks bad” in episode too. Justin agrees with him stating that “she has for a while.” The boys then go on and note that Jessica has been acting crazy and drawing attention to them because of the tapes. Obviously what Jessica heard from Hannah on the tapes have affected her whether Justin told her the truth or not. The audience can see that she is struggling, and I feel like maybe she lashes out by hanging around Bryce in hopes of Justin coming clean with the real truth. The show is trying to suggest that it’s okay not to be okay after something traumatic. People are allowed to go through a rough patch after experiencing something like sexual assault or anything else in that regard—I feel like the show unintentionally suggests this. Although, through the boy’s conversation about Jessica, they do not understand this.

By watching this, I think this could help other people understand what traumatic events put people through after the fact and throughout the healing process. For example, if a family or friend is going through a “rough patch” the best thing to do is to be understanding and that all people process news or events differently. Most importantly everyone heals differently and takes not all at the same time. However, at this point in the series, I don’t think that the show does an effective job at delivering this message. I think it’s ineffective because issue that I am talking about in this episode is very subtle and hidden because this episode is mainly about Clay’s tape.

The episode in discussion is only in season one. The show only lightly taps into the after math of Jessica’s assault, but in season two it focuses and delves deeper into her thoughts and what she is going through. More open communication about the topic would enhance the overall effect of this issue which is what the show seems to do in season two.



Reference

Jacobson, S. L. (2017). Thirteen reasons to be concerned about 13 Reasons Why. Brown University Child & Adolescent Behavior Letter, 33(6), 8. doi:10.1002/cbl.30220







2.     

            In the final episode of season one of Thirteen Reasons Why, Hannah Baker is visiting her school counselor. Hannah attempts to talk to Mr. Porter about how she was sexually assaulted by another student at the school. By seeking Mr. Porter’s help, Hannah hopes that she will gain some sort of comfort that will give her the will to live (since she is seeking him as a last-ditch effort to live). The issue addressed in this episode was sexual assault, or rather the part when victims speak out or ask for help. Hannah somewhat describes her assault to Mr. Porter, assuming that he would put the pieces together and outright ask her if she was raped. However, the audience can see that both Hannah and Mr. Porter are uncomfortable. Hannah can barely even describe what has happened herself and Mr. Porter casually asks Hannah if she had an encounter at the party suggesting sexual relations, but then he suggests that perhaps she made a mistake and changed her mind which makes the situation even more uncomfortable.

            I feel like this may communicate to audience members who are watching that they should “move on” after they have been sexually assaulted. What Hannah describes is a rape, but neither she or Mr. Porter say it, nor does he ask. He asks her to name the boy, however she does not, and then Mr. Porter tells her that the best thing she can do is move on. This is perhaps why many sexual assault victims never come forward or take such a long time to come forward. Society has made this unspoken rule of shame after something like a sexual assault happens which is why there is such a stigmatism with the conversation of sexual assault.

            This can change the conversation for victims of sexual assault. For friends and family, interpersonal communication should be talked about openly, unlike the conversation that Hannah and Mr. Porter had. This should say to us, as the audience, that we should speak to victims of sexual assault with belief and understanding. If victims were understood and believed at all times, I don’t think the conversation would be uncomfortable anymore. This way, all victims of assault would not feel this shame that society has put on the subject. According to Bevens, Brown and Loughhnan (2018), “women are highly unlikely to report to the police; only about 2% of victims do so.  Although women rarely report to the police, often out of fear of being blamed or not believed, survivors of sexual aggression are sharing with other people in their lives” (p. 1). Clearly, this is a reason why Hannah seemed so hesitant to come forward and why she was so frustrated with Mr. Porter.

I think what the show is trying to communicate is that it is okay to talk about things like sexual assault openly in conversation. However, the way that it is portrayed in the show is ineffective within the show since Hannah takes her life. I feel like the show only does an effective job of addressing this issue if someone is deeply analyzing the show. A viewer who is just watching purely for entertainment may not get that message when watching for that reason. In season two, the show effectively addresses this issue when Mr. Porter imagines how his conversation with Hannah is different and what he wishes he would have said which helps her.

Reference

Bevens, C. L., Brown, A. L., & Loughnan, S. (2018). The role of self-objectification and women’s blame, sympathy, and support for a rape victim. Plos ONE, 13(6), 1-15. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0199808





3.

In my next entry, I will be discussing the last episode of season one again. However, I will be talking about the most anticipated moment of the season: Hannah’s suicide. In a graphic scene, Hannah is shown filling her bathtub full of water and then slitting her risks. She sits in the bath until the tubs floods over and she eventually dies. It is a tearful scene, and even more heart-wrenching when her mother finds her. However, this show is highly criticized for “glamourizing” the idea of suicide.

I feel like the show may communicate to some people that it is about a glamorization of suicide. Suicide is a stigmatized topic because of this, people are so afraid to talk about it openly in conversation that it has become a taboo topic. Jacobsen, (2017) a doctor, states that the show “is too dangerous a topic to use for entertainment, and yet, that is its primary purpose” (p. 8). The show may be for entertainment, but it is also here to bring awareness which is a fact that I think everyone forgets. I don’t think anyone sits at home and excitedly watched the show and feels happy. The show is unsettling, and it should leave the viewer asking questions about society. The subject of suicide is so stigmatized because so many people feel that it is dangerous which translates into “don’t talk about it.” This should affect interpersonal communication by making us talk about these dangerous topics so that they are no longer so stigmatized.

Personally, I think the show does a good job at addressing this issue, but it is maybe because I am looking at the show from an analytic point of view. Those who are just watching the show on a surface level do not understand the depth of this series. However, I would implore those who believe that this show is dangerous to watch this show and dig deeper into what they are saying and their actions. I do not know what more the show could do without being outright explicit in saying what the show’s purpose is. The show’s entire purpose to bring awareness to issues that no one wants to talk about which is why it is a good thing, because it starts a conversation.

Reference

Jacobson, S. L. (2017). Thirteen reasons to be concerned about 13 Reasons Why. Brown University Child & Adolescent Behavior Letter, 33(6), 8. doi:10.1002/cbl.30220











4.

Season two of Thirteen Reasons Why picks up a few months after the first season ends. The audience gets to see how the characters have changed. We get to look at Clay, who seems to be doing okay after he was brutally beaten by Bryce in the previous season. He seems to have moved on to a happier and better Clay with his new girlfriend, Skye. The issue being addressed in this episode has to deal with mental health in regard to grieving the loss of a loved one. Clay thinks he has gotten over the death or Hannah, or rather tried to forget about her. Willis (2002 says that “The fact that death is permanent is often not within their comprehension. Finality means that death is an irreversible, permanent condition,” (p. 221) which further troubles Clay as he is imagining her ghost, as if he is talking to Hannah. However, with the upcoming trial involving her, Clay seems to be haunted with the thought of Hannah. Grieving takes different amounts of time for everyone.

From my analysis, the show tries to communicate that someone cannot fully let go of someone without coming to terms with their death. For instance, with Hannah’s tapes and death comes so many questions and mysteries. With the start of seasons two, the audience gets to see the perspectives of the other people who are on the tapes, which lead to another whole truth about what Hannah says. In this episode, what Tyler says troubles Clay. Tyler claims he saw Hannah sending suggestive pictures on her phone, Clay is furious and then feels like he does not know her anymore. I feel like this leads Clay to become even more haunted by Hannah. When Clay and Skye are kissing, he starts to see Hannah, which throws him completely off and Skye can see that he is troubled because of the trial starting.

Through Skye, I feel like the show does an effective job handling this issue. Skye is constantly asking Clay if he is okay. She clearly saw in season one how much Hannah’s death affected clay, which is why she persistently asks him if he is okay, much to Clay’s annoyance. Skye notices how shook up Clay gets when the trial starts and tries to talk to Clay about the issue, but he shuts her down. This goes hand in hand with how we as the audience can communicate with family and friends. Not everyone wants to talk about their personal grief, but we can be there for that person regardless if they shut you down or not. A later episode in the series enhances the communication of this issue.

Reference

Willis, C. A. (2002). The Grieving Process in Children: Strategies for Understanding, Educating, and Reconciling Children's Perceptions of Death. Early Childhood Education Journal, 29(4), 221.









5.

            The next episode titled “Two Girls Kissing” is told in Courtney’s perspective. The episode reveals her truth of what happened the night of her and Hannah’s sleepover while the prosecutor brutally questions her. This episode addresses “coming out” of the closet and how hard it can be even in this day of age. The show communicates that it is definitely harder for Courtney to come out since her dads are also gay which causes a lot of speculation (according to Courtney in season one). The show suggests to the audience that it is hard for rumors to come out about them (females) because they get objectified, as Courtney did by Montgomery.

            I feel like this can affect the communication of interpersonal relationships in a small way. I feel like times are changing so people are slowly becoming more accepting of people who are gay. However, like this age group, teenagers are so often prone to bullying those who are different. However, through Courtney’s dads, the audience can see how understanding they are. They treat Courtney no differently than before and they try to have a conversation with her about her sexuality. They even question why she did not come out sooner to them.

            I think the second season does a better job at addressing Courtney’s sexuality. The first season focuses on how much she represses her sexuality and how she tries to hide it and even how she pours the blame on Hannah. This episode really shows the struggle that Courtney is facing in how she is basically forced to out herself on the stand. What I wish the show would have done is focus a little more on Courtney and how coming out really affects her, because she seems no different other than a little weight lifted off her shoulder from coming out and helping Hannah’s case. The show subtly suggests that she is being her true self since she goes to the dance (later in the series) with a girl. I think the show would have really hit the nail on this issue by focusing on what really happens after someone comes out of the closet and what goes through their head.







6.

            This next episode features Marcus’s account on what really happened on his Valentine’s Day date with Hannah. In season one, Marcus is shown trying to grab Hannah, but the audience cannot really see what he is grabbing, but we know that he is grabbing her. However, when on the stand, Marcus lies to save his reputation per advice from his father. This episode addresses sexual assault or harassment depending on how the viewer may see it.

            The show tries to communicate that sexual harassment or assault can happen to both men and women and the series shows this. This episode (2x4) shows that Marcus actually grabs Hannah’s private parts and not her hands like he said he had done. With this new insight, it lets the audience the reason why Hannah reacted the way she did back in season one. Later at school, Hannah approaches Marcus in the hallway and grabs him suggestively and asks him “Isn’t this what you wanted?” Hannah turns the table on Marcus and he looks horrified and disturbed perhaps because he did not expect this to ever happen to him. I feel like there is this myth that men never get sexually assaulted and that is why when they do, society finds it so horrifying. This is probably why Marcus thought it was okay when he touched Hannah, but when he received an unwanted touch from Hannah, he was shocked. Even after Hannah touches him, she says that she bets he won’t tell his friends about this encounter.

I think in this small aspect, this can tell us as the audience to speak to our friends and family and acknowledge that both men and women can be assaulted—it does not matter who you are. I think at this point in the series the show effectively addresses this issue. We can see the horror on Marcus’s face but there is no real conversation about his small assault/harassment on Hannah. The show would have better addressed this issue if they had a conversation about it, but this is more of an unspoken issue that I noticed.



7.

            The episode titled “The Third Polaroid” focuses on Clay’s testimony. However, this episode also focuses on Alex Standall since it is his birthday. This season, we find out that Alex is alive after his suicide attempt. In this episode, he struggles to remember everything that has happened, because he lost all of his memories during the weeks the tapes were out. This episode focuses on mental health of Alex after the trauma of his attempted suicide. As important as life is, the series shows us that life does not go back to normal after something traumatic like what Alex did happens.

This communicates to the audience that coming back from something like this is hard on people physically and mentally. Alex struggles to walk, and he has sudden and frequent outbursts. He struggles especially since he is trying to gain his memories by triggering things like playing video games with guns. In the beginning of this episode he yells at Bryce calling him a rapist and he yells at Zach then kicks him out of his birthday party. The most climatic scene of this episode is his outburst at his birthday party where he goes to play a video game involving guns, and his parents try to stop him. Alex then goes on to say how hard his life has been and how he has lost everything. He says he should try to kill himself again, but then he is actually confronted for the first time about trying to take his life by Jessica. Jessica tells him that everyone here loves him and asks how he could do such a thing when people need him.

With what Jessica says, I feel like this can help communication between loved ones who are feeling suicidal. If anyone had known Alex was feeling suicidal, I am sure they would have told him that they needed him. However, this may not be a one hundred percent preventative measure, but it could help prevent someone from taking their life. Research by Dedić (2010) says that “Suicidal risk in patients after suicide attempt is of moderate degree… motives of a suicide attempt are related to the feeling of inability to bear unbearable situation, loss of self-control or need to be helped” (p. 157). The show communicates that we should let those who have tried to commit suicide know that we need them in our lives. I feel like the show does a good job at addressing this. The audience is shown everyone who is struggling with the loss of Hannah and how hard it was to think they were going to lose Alex.



Reference

Dedić, G., Djurdjević, S., & Golubović, B. (2010). Psychological assessment of persons following suicide attempt by self-poisoning. Vojnosanitetski Pregled: Military Medical & Pharmaceutical Journal Of Serbia, 67(2), 151-158.





8.

            In a previous episode (2x5), Jessica attends group therapy where she meets Nina, a classmate who was also raped as well. However, the episode that I will be talking about today is titled “Bryce and Chloe” which is the eleventh episode where the Jessica confronts both Nina and Chloe about their polaroid photo. This episode addresses the mental health of a victim of sexual assault—or more of their awareness of how they will be perceived in the eyes of their peers.

In a previous episode, Nina states that her rape does not define who she is as she is helping Jessica (2x7). Nina appears to be strong to Jessica, but it is revealed when Jessica shows her the polaroid that Nina actually is not. Nina fears that she will forever be a victim and not a survivor. The show communicates that everyone is not who they appear to be. Nina seems to be a headstrong character for Jessica since they are both victims of assault, but Nina is still struggling. Nina blames her breakup with Garrett on the fact that he wants to talk all the time, but really, he was starting to ask her questions about her past. This could communicate to the audience that victims do not want to talk about their experiences and traumas with anyone other than those who share it. Nina says she does not want to talk about it with Garrett, but she talks about it with Jessica because she understands it.

I feel like this could help us with interpersonal communications by speaking to victims with the upmost understanding. Even if you personally did not share a similar experience, you can listen to someone who has survived sexual assault with empathy, so that they do not feel like or that they are limited to only talking those who have experienced sexual assault.

This far in the series, with Nina in mind, I do not think they have effectively addressed Nina’s issue. It is a little different maybe because we only see Jessica as her support system, whereas Jessica has the “tape gang” to talk to and who knows. Nina is clearly not over her issues since she is last seen burning all proof of the clubhouse polaroid’s. I think the show could better address this in season three by shedding some light on this new character.





9.

My next two entries are about the final episode of Thirteen Reasons Why, however they focus on two different issues. The episode titled “Bye” shows Tyler returning from some sort of reform school after his vandalism. Since the baseball season got cancelled and Montgomery was depending on the season for his hopeful future, he punishes Tyler. This episode addresses sexual assault on men. Tyler is bashed in the head and is brutally sodomized by a broken broom stick by Montgomery, so much so that there is visible blood on the end of the stick.

The show communicates that this is a horrifying situation that happens in real life. There are so many stories like this, but they are quickly forgotten about because male sexual assault is so stigmatized. I feel that this stigmatization of sexual assault among men is due to the fact that they feel so much shame for the unwanted sexual contact. Hammonds, Fewster and Ioannou's (2017) research says, "Male reporting of sex offences are likely to vary considerably from female reporting, although there has been little research into what these differences might be," (p. 134).  There is a huge difference in the numbers of women and men who have dealt with assault, but perhaps a huge number of men have not come forward due to this shame? I feel that it is stigmatized because of the way that society views men in the way that society constructs gender. I think that people fear that with the discussion of a man's sexual assault, it could possibly emasculate them. If this conversation were to take place comfortably, it would change the course of conversation for what a man "should be."

Thirteen Reasons Why maybe included this scene or felt that it was necessary to spark a conversation and perhaps send a message that sexual assault, especially among men is nothing to be ashamed of.  I think the show addressed the issue as accurately as they could. Later, when Tyler is seen in his bathroom on the toilet, when he finds blood (presumably from his anus), the audience can see how horrified he looks, maybe even horrified with shame. Obviously, this was the last episode of season two, so there was not much discussion in the show about the subject about how Tyler will heal, but even in the show the topic is still stigmatized. Hopefully, in season three we can see how Tyler deals with this and the discussion about it. I feel that some people who see this topic refuse to want to talk about it and others want to have a discussion about this. I think the best way we can approach a male victim of sexual assault is to maybe treat them as we would a female victim. The influence that this can give society is to treat all victims with the same belief and understanding.

Reference

Hammond, L., Ioannou, M., & Fewster, M. (2017). Perceptions of male rape and sexual assault in a male sample from the United Kingdom: Barriers to reporting and the impacts of victimization. Journal Of Investigative Psychology & Offender Profiling, 14(2), 133-149. doi:10.1002/jip.1462









10.

            This entry is based off entry number nine which addresses the aftermath of Tyler’s assault. Montgomery’s assault on Tyler pushes him over the edge which leads him to want to carry out his school shooting. The audience sees the same guns that Tyler had hidden in his trunk from season one. Tyler arms himself and heads over to the school gym where they are holding a dance for Liberty High. This episode addresses the mental state of health someone can be in after a traumatic experience, in this case Tyler’s mental health since he got to this point.

            First, the show communicates a warning before the episode even starts because it could trigger someone in light of the recent situations when the show’s season two release came out. There were school shootings weeks before and right after season two released. Some viewers viewed this distasteful or insensitive. However, the show is only trying to shed light to the situation because it is such an uncomfortable subject to talk about. I feel like the show is trying to suggest helping rehabilitate or get help for those who have thoughts like Tyler’s. In the show, Tyler does get some sort of help in regard to his behavior, but Montgomery’s actions push him over the edge. The show also tries to communicate that a shooting at school could be stopped by showing kindness. For example, Clay tries to stop Tyler from going inside to carry out his plans, and he succeeds after telling Tyler that they were friends and cared about him.

            I feel like the show is not trying to tell us to go to a gun man and use words to stop them, but it can help communication in interpersonal relationships. If we see someone struggling, we can be kind to one another and offer help and support. I do not think the show this far has done a good job addressing this issue. I think this mainly because the season ended right when Tyler left because he decided to go through with the shooting. The aftermath of having a gun pointed at Clay repeatedly leaves him unsettled, and it also left me unsettled when it ended. I think that the show can better address the issue in season three by having an open discussion of Tyler’s feelings and how his feelings led him to want to do the school shooting.

         

            Thirteen Reasons Why can arguably be a good or bad show that touches on taboo subjects. Either good or bad, the show brings awareness to the discussed topics because it gets people to talk and have a conversation about it. Even though so many people are against it, I look forward to season three to see how they discuss these matters further.The Netflix series titled 13 Reasons Why based of the novel of the same name by Jay Asher has been heavily scrutinized and praised for raising awareness to multiple issues that society is not necessarily comfortable addressing. Netflix has produced two series and a third series has just been announced in early June. I will be focusing mostly on the second season of this series. I feel that the first season tells more of the story and subtly raises awareness over certain issues, and the second season explicitly addresses the issues. Each episode tackles so many issues within society, but I will be focusing on one issue through each entry, so some episodes may overlap, but each entry will be focusing on a different aspect of the show.